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Thursday, January 5, 2017

Stress

I can't tell you what triggers my stress.  I wish I could, because then it wouldn't take me forever to discover I'm stressed. And for the record, what I'm experiencing isn't what most people think of when they are stressed.



Here's what I realize is happening, usually after I've had a slap upside the head in some manner...

When I stress, I talk, a lot, like way too much. Seriously, my mind won't shut down and I can't seem to keep it from coming out of my mouth. I start getting nervous that people don't like me, like I'm "less than".  I end up making stupid statements that are either "competitive" or have no bearing on the current conversation. Interestingly enough, the one I'm currently going through seems to have started during the holidays...with family...and that whole thing.  I also notice an overwhelming desire to go to bed early, hibernate, be alone.  Even though I talk a lot when I'm in the middle of this sometimes other's talking seems to just piss me off. Explain that one to me, please...

So in the middle of my afternoon, I got that slap upside the head I mentioned earlier. And all of a sudden, it came together.

I've been in a really nasty mood, talking a lot about stupid stuff (and telling myself to shut up internally) so I need to apologize to my co-workers and husband and daughters. I've been going to bed early, losing focus and getting frustrated and eating poorly.  It's probably a combination of depression, stress, anxiety and who knows what.  I have also had a really irritating rash on my chest and itching on my scalp and arms throughout the day over the last month or so. I thought it was because of my new blood pressure medication, so I went to the doctor last week and got a new Rx. The rash is still there and if anything, it's worse today.

So, time to slow down, take a breath or three and unwind.  And by that I don't mean "relax". I mean that I need to listen to my body a bit. If I'm feeling tense and "chattering" more than normal, I need to ask myself what is happening to cause that.  Is it real or imagined (knowing myself, it's imagined)? What can I do to correct the problem (not control, but fix it)? And is there really anything I need to do? I overthink things just a bit.

It took me a long time after going to inpatient for my alcoholism accept that I have trouble handling stress. Who knew that even when life is going good I can have stress. Ugh! No one warned me about that. One of the best things is that even though I have 17 some odd years sober I can still learn things about myself.

I guess what I want to say is that it's okay to say you're struggling.  And roll with it...

1 comment:

  1. THIS is one of the main reasons I want to get back into blogging. Sometimes I need to vent in order to put voice to my stress and put it into perspective - yet most of my rantings don't belong on Facebook LOL... Hang in there, I'm having some issues with stress myself and need all the inspiration I can get so I love this post!

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