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Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Change of heart... sorry I was grumpy.

So, after reading what you all wrote in response to my last post, I have decided to rethink my previous decision re: "training the hubby" (thank goodness he doesn't know my blog address).  I guess last night I was tired and a little (or a lot) hormonal when I wrote that. 

Reality is, I am very co-dependant... always have been.  Also, I have talked to him before regarding his helping me more with kitchen and household stuff.  He moans, groans, reminds me he does laundry (which he does), and that he handles the outside (which actually we share-I can't split wood, but I pack and stack it).  Then, he grudgingly helps out for a few days, then slides backwards.  I just need to remind myself not to be so much of a martyr (but seriously it's the only thing I'm really good at -LOL).  Also, just asking him to do something and not taking it personally when he rolls his eyes would help too.

The funny thing is I had a conversation today with a older female clerk at the drugstore-I was checking to see if a prescription he had dropped off about 4 weeks ago was still there, and of course it wasn't.  I said "He forgot about it..." she said "as his wife, I feel like you should take care of stuff like that, scheduling his appointments, etc. for him".  I said "I work 40 hours a week just like he does" and she said "that doesn't matter".  I've known her for years, so I just said "well, I don't agree", smiled and walked away.  It's funny how society still tries to train us to take care of the "men-folk". 

Anyway, taking time to breath, wait for Kaitlyn and Justin to get settled in their new place and then discuss the steps we need to take to all feel more "relaxed".  Thanks for being my "fairy-godmothers" and giving me such good advice.

Hope you are all enjoying the winter, and for those of you in the storms path, staying safe and warm.


  1. oh where do I begin...my mom did everything....my dad was handicapped. So when I got married I followed what she did...no one in the kitchen...I did everything...so for 25 years I did this...skip to last year and I was battling breast cancer...my husband knew nothing...didn't know where anything was..didn't know how to turn on the vacuum..knew nothing about turning on the dishwasher.. Didn't know to change the filter in the furnace.. I mean he knew nothing...only got himself ready for work and came home and I was his slave....he played on his i-pad..watch movies, while I worked my tail off all the time...chemo knocked me down...was in the hospital for a week and he was lost...he didn't know anything...my daughter told me that he could not make it without me..she said mom you could make it without him..she told that to both of us..He would call me and ask me where was this or that while I was in the hospital..He knew he was a lost puppy...so when I got out he turned into my rock...he did dishes, laundry, even tried cooking but found take out was much easier than cleaning up...I am free of cancer and it started to go back like the first 25 years..but it was my fault because I was taking control again...then this past Thanksgiving Dinner I did all of it and asked for no help...well I was exhausted..no more of this I said to myself....so I started asking in a loving way for help...Russ stepped up to the plate...He told me to ask because he has no clue...He said he wasn't a mind reader..so Christmas dinner was a shared experience..And I liked it...yes it was so hard with someone in the way...but it was fun...I have learned to let go...and I don't get those looks as if I broke both of his legs when I asked him to do something the first 25 years....I tell everyone many blessings came my way with the battle I fought with cancer...so start asking little by little..start with man things to in the kitchen...tightening knobs, things like that..I also found that list for Russ helps..I start off with 5 things...no more and they get frustrated....

    I do think there are more of you than you think...I was one of you...
    May your day be filled with many blessings...

  2. wooo, I sure do speak "hormonal" this year so I'm right there with ya, I get it! I always think that my kids teeth would fall out and they would never get to school if anything ever happened to me, and even though I do "all that" since I know it wouldn't get done, it doesn't stop me from getting frustrated and wishing it were different sometimes. I usually cope and accept just fine but we all have those days :)