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Monday, January 23, 2012

The ups and downs of life...

I am exhausted.  Physically, mentally and emotionally.  But I'm okay! Too much going on for me to absorb, so I'm letting some of it run off, like I'm holding an umbrella.

My oldest daughter, Kaitlyn, is moving home next month.  Yes, she's only been married a little over a year and a half, but things are not good.  She says she misses little town life, and of course, my children will always have a place to come home to.  I am sad, kinda mad, and feeling guilty, because after finally talking to her in-depth, I've come to realize that my alcoholism affected her way more than I thought it did.  I'm not going to go into details, but I'm gonna be spending some time with her, and hopefully convincing her that she needs to find someone to share her feelings with that isn't related. I also am kinda excited, as she's lived 5+ hours away since she graduated in 2005 and now I'll get to spend more time with her.  Of course, Lyndsey has gotten used to being an only child, so I'm not expecting our house to stay peaceful for long.

I think next time, I won't try to bottle feed 5 calves at the same time as lambs are due.  Even tho we only had 3 ewes pregnant (one left still to pop), by the time we get done feeding the calves first thing in the am before work and then as soon as we get home, I feel ready to be done.  But, as you all know, I am not done.  Still other critters to feed, chores to be done, etc.

The storms we have had were exciting, but not relaxing.  I wanted the power to go out for one night, but that didn't happen.  We have more rain predicted, which means more chores in the muck.  Don't get me wrong, I grew up here on the southern Oregon coast, so I'm used to the rain.  However, wading through 6" of mud and manure to feed is getting old quick.  Normally the water drains better, so I don't get stuck.  More rain is predicted, so the danger of slides, trees falling, etc, will increase.

Money, well, I'm not even going to go there.  All of my side jobs to make extra money are still sitting waiting to be done.  So much of the e-bay stuff needs to have photos taken and posting done, and I just can't find the drive to do it (tho I can sit here and type this to all of you)...

Also, work is going great.  It's so nice to have great co-workers and a boss who I am friends with, and who supports and compliments me.  I like going to work again.  That helps a lot. Another good note, last night I got a call about a bummer lamb and I turned it down, but found a wonderful home for him with one of my 4-H families (and good friends-are you reading this Heather)... I know they will enjoy raising him, and the girls will learn so much about the cycle of life when an animal is raised with love to be butchered.  

I am going to get off of here and accomplish at least one thing before I curl up on the couch... Even if it's just moving all the sleeping bags from the closet in the spare room where Kaitlyn will be staying. Then, the couch will be mine... As I've gotten older and wiser, I am learning when my body says "I'm tired", I listen....  Also, Bo and Bella managed to trip me yesterday and I went face first into the gravel in our driveway.  So, the body is full of aches and pains tonight (not to mention a nice scratched nose).

I'll leave you with a picture of Bebe, Lyndsey's Romney ewe, who is hopefully due to lamb soon. I feel bad for her, because our Suffolk ewes just won't accept her (maybe because she is sooo much different looking?). I think after she lambs and we wean the babies, I'll see about selling or trading her for a Suffolk or Hampshire ewe. She needs to be in a flock where she doesn't feel all alone.



Hope you are all safe, well and warm!

5 comments:

  1. Ruth, I'd love to be able to give you a big, big hug. (And maybe help you with your chores for a few days!) I think you're doing a fantastic job considering all you've got on your plate right now.

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  2. Hope you get to relax a little.....hard to do on a farm with a family. Glad you're finding some good times at work, sometimes that's hard to do. Don't worry about taking time out to blog when there are other things to be done (like me, sitting here online when there are loaves of bread to be made, laundry to be hung out, etc.)....this blogging stuff is therapy!!
    :)

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  3. You do so much! I don't know where you find the time,but you do. Hope everything turns out good for your daughter.And also the weather dries up a bit around your place. Blessings Jane

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  4. oh Ruth,you are a strong supporter for everyone ,no wonder people at your work compliment you and support you. I'm sorry about your daughter moving home and things not working well for her ,but she has you so she will be fine. without writing another book you don't have time to read ,bee there done that 3x with my daughter and my son still lives here after his break-up and ya ,I blame myself too. but how are these young people gonna make it out there in these harsh times on 1 income if they have even that,hugs to you Ruth,you do a tremendous job,and don't forget it.

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  5. You are a wonderful mom, we all have bumps along the way, big mistakes, small ones, but the important thing is that you are there for her and realize what she needs now. The fact that she's coming home to weather her own storm means she finds comfort with you and knows you will be there for her, that speaks volumes. You are probably right about suggesting some therapy, sometimes it's easier to freely discuss our feelings with strangers, odd as that may seem! I hope the other things fall into place and that you get some time to do your own things too!

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