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Thursday, November 24, 2011

Be thankful, and remember to say "I love you" everyday! Sad day!

Today is Thanksgiving, and earlier this morning I received a phone call that made me think about all I have to be thankful for.

My step-daughter (ex) called me to tell me that my ex had passed away. She was in tears and not sure how to tell my 2 older daughters (her half-sisters). I told her if she wanted, I would call them and she asked me to. So, I did. Tears, almost hysteria, and more tears followed.

My girls didn't know their dad well. We split up when they were 5 and 3, and unfortunately, he really didn't know how to be a dad. He loved them, but he never really made an effort to call or see them, even when we lived in the same town. He had, occasionally, in the last few years, called them and e-mailed them, so they were starting to connect a bit. However, I know that in the back of their minds, they somehow blamed themselves for the distance between them.

I am sad (Bob was only 55), and even though I didn't love him anymore and we'd been apart for over 21 years, he was the father of my daughters and I certainly didn't hate him. I have good memories of him, and hope he is out of pain. I am mad. He didn't take care of himself, even with all his family health history (cancer, diabetes, etc). He himself had diabetes, heart problems (I went with him to a cardiologist before our oldest daughter was born 25 years ago),overweight and he smoked. He just didn't have the drive to take care of himself. I am also irritated because I tried for years to help him connect with Kaitlyn and Michelle. He just never tried. I know he loved them, but he couldn't show it.

I wish I was up with the girls right now... Unfortunately they are 6 hours away and our cars just aren't running well enough and I don't have the money to drive up for a couple of days when I want to go up for Christmas. Michelle and Kaitlyn only live about 30 miles from each other, so the good thing is they are going to be able to get together this evening and comfort each other. Their half-brother and half-sister are about an hour away, so I am hoping they will connect this weekend.

I am close to my ex-stepchildren, (Barbi's kids even call me grandma and call Steve grandpa, and he's nowhere near related) and that helps me to know I've done what I can to let them know I want to be a part of their life.

Anyway, on this Thanksgiving, be thankful for those you love. Take a minute to think about resentments or fears that might be keeping you from a relationship and take that step to make things better.

Wishing you hope, faith and joy.



  1. I'm sorry for your sadness. A very difficult situation to deal with, especially for the kids involved. What a shame that it's often too late when we realize what is (or should be) really important in life. Thanks for the reminder. Sending a hug to you.

  2. I'm sorry to hear of this loss. Your post was a great reminder, and timely too. Too often we forget what is really important. We forget to say the things we should. We forget to do thing things we ought to. Thank you for this reminder, and your family is in my thoughts. :)

  3. I am so sorry! Keeping you and the family in my prayers. What a blessing that they have you. That they know you love and are there for them to talk to and ease the pain.

  4. Thanks for sharing all that Ruth,it is a sad time and i;m sorry for your girls loss.55 is way to young

  5. Very sad, and too close to home for me. My biological father is 57, and I feel like I hardly know him, and the relationship we do have feels strained, and he wasn't a big part of my childhood, and he's not taking care of himself. I wish there was an easy way to mend these types of relationships, but there's not...they're just...difficult. I will be praying for all of your girls.

  6. I'm so sorry for your family's loss. Your situation sounds exactly like my hubby's, with his dad leaving them when he and his sister were 5 & 3. Even though they aren't close either, I can imagine there would still be a lot of sadness, there is always hope for something more until there is no time left. I'll say a prayer for the girls.