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Thursday, June 2, 2011

One of those weeks... A condo in town sounds nice.

It's been a long few days. Nothing I can pinpoint exactly, a combination of the weather (abnormally wet, even for Oregon), finances, little mishaps (a brand new nipple on the calf bucket splitting a week after replacing it, two Lix-it rabbit bottles breaking on the same morning the calf nipple split, etc) but I'm feeling like a small place in town sounds just about perfect. Then tonight I spent 10 minutes scratching Two's head and I felt the contentment from her softly flow through my fingertips into my body.

I called my nurse-practitioner's office today~ I take anti-depressants and have off and on for years, since before I quit drinking. A few years ago I accepted that my body does not produce the needed serotonin that I need. After consulting with the her, we found a medication that worked very well. A few months ago our insurance decided they would no longer pay for that medication. So I started a new one two months ago, but I'm noticing that I am sleeping a lot, have no energy and just feel helpless. I have learned over time to listen to my body. Taking medication for depression is not something I am happy about, but I can't handle the consequences. So, we are changing the doses and I am going to force myself to do something each day to make me feel positive (today it was making phone calls that I've been putting off, ie the doctor, the lady who does our sheep shearing, etc.) I was going to go outside tonight after dinner and rake up the cut grass (we could make hay with the grass from not mowing for four weeks), but I finally admitted to myself I'm a middle-of-the-day person. You know, there are morning people and night people, I'm a middle people. If I start fairly early in the day and get up a good head of steam, I can go, go, go, but if I have a day that is broken up with short shifts, etc., after making dinner and doing evening chores, I'm pretty much done for the day. It was good to admit that to myself.

I also take high-blood pressure medication, and if I could make myself lose 25 lbs I could get off of that. Oh well~1 issue at a time.

So, on a positive note, we bought the Subaru for $300. It seems to run great, the interior is nice and it's an automatic so Lyndsey can learn to drive on it. The body is really rusty, but we are going to try to "bondo" the worst parts. The animals seem to be doing good, tho just like every year, Steve is worried the pigs and lambs won't make weight for the 4-H auction. Bella is doing great and starting to ignore the neighbors chickens. So, it isn't all doom and gloom.

And I know that there is hope, joy and faith in my life! I wish the same for you!

5 comments:

  1. Yupper, we sure all go through these periods of depression whether we're clinically depressed or not. Sometimes I look at each and every little task I do during the day and think how much simpler, easier and CLEANER my life would be if I were living in that condo in town. But all I have to do is think of the things I would have to GIVE UP by not living on this little homestead and I know I'd NEVER change it.

    Remember, Ruth, that's what we're all here for . . . to share in the grumpy-dumpy, down moments right along with the better ones. I know for me just getting my less than uplifting [:o\] thoughts down in writing keeps me sane at times. Besides, reading your feelings and thoughts make me feel I have a friend who thinks/feels just like I do!

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  2. Go easy on yourself, you do so much that you are bound to be overwhelmed at times. Sometimes I too, think (fleetingly) how nice it would be to have a townhouse with a tiny yard, and when the weekends roll around, we would be free to do whatever we want... yeah right. I know I wouldn't be happy at all LOL! Keep writing, I find it's a great outlet for the bad stuff, too. If I didn't have my blog friends to vent to during hubby's deployment I think I'd be in a padded room somewhere :)

    Congrats on the Subie, you should see some of the rustbucket Subies in Minnesota LOL, but they always START, and that's the most important thing! Subaru Love...

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  3. You would not have wanted a new sube anyway- my son had one --it cost more for payments and ins. than did the cost of living-so -it took off- all on it's own--yupper- one dark night it just took off[ maybe with a little help from the repo guy] remember-one day at a time!

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  4. Well I think if you lived in town, you would soon miss the clean air and the brush up from your babies in the barn yard. Sometimes it does sound nice though! Things are going to get better. Just keep telling yourself that! You made a good leap in the right direction with a back up vehicle, so cross that one off and give yourself some much needed praise.

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  5. Insurance is such a pain in the neck! Too bad they had to mess with a good thing. Hang in there and keep us posted. I enjoy reading your blog! :)

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